In this paper we introduce $\Theta=(\Delta,\theta)$, a pair of
polynomial knot invariants which is:
\begin{itemize}
\item Theoretically and practically fast: $\Theta$ can be computed in polynomial time
  and we computed it in full on random knots with over 300 crossings,
  and its evaluation on on simple rational numbers on random knots with over
  700 crossings.
\item Strong: Its separation power is much greater than, say, the
  HOMFLY-PT polynomial and Khovanov homology (taken together) on knots
  with up to 15 crossings (while computing much faster).
\item Topologically meaningful: It gives a genus bound, and there are
  reasons to hope that it would do more.
\item Fun: Scroll to Figures 1.1 and 1.2.
\end{itemize}
$\Delta$ is merely the Alexander polynomial. $\theta$ is almost
certainly equal to an invariant that was studied extensively by Ohtsuki
\cite{Ohtsuki:TwoLoop}, continuing Rozansky, Garoufalidis, and Kricker
\cite{GaroufalidisRozansky:LoopExpansion, Rozansky:Contribution,
Rozansky:Burau, Rozansky:U1RCC, Kricker:Lines}.  Yet our formulas,
proofs, and programs are much simpler and enable its computation even
on very large knots.
